


I'm Getting Worse And You Don't Know

by foolsxgold



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, self harm tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-26 06:47:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3841096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foolsxgold/pseuds/foolsxgold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Larry Stylinson AU.</p>
<p>*Warning: scenes of depression and self-harm. If this is triggering for you, please don't read this xx.* </p>
<p>Louis Tomlinson, 22, is slowly sinking into a deep depression.</p>
<p>He begins partying, all hours of the night, every night. He even starts a habit of smoking at least a pack of cigarettes a day.</p>
<p>He is in love with his best friend, Harry, who doesn't know. </p>
<p>Harry could never love someone like him. </p>
<p>Will Harry save him, or will Louis drown in his depression?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Getting Worse And You Don't Know

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This is my first ever fan fiction, and the first one to ever be published on AO3! 
> 
> If you see any mistakes please let me know
> 
> Hopefully there will be more Larry fics in the future :-)

In Louis' mind, he was the farthest you could be from perfect.  
His stomach jutted out too far, his thighs were too fat, and his butt was too big. So, when Harry began hanging out with Nick Grimshaw, the pure definition of perfect -- chiseled features, ripped abs, muscles, brilliant white teeth, perfectly quaffed hair, and toothpick-thin legs -- he began to worry.

  
Louis knew Harry would soon realize that he was too flawed, and would leave him for Nick. Therefore, Louis decided that he would stop eating until he was perfect. _Perfect like Nick_.  
At first, he only skipped one meal a day. None of the boys paid any attention to it, considering Louis "claimed" to have eaten a large meal shortly before. But day after day, Harry spent more and more time with Nick. The first time Harry didn't come home, Louis played it off, thinking; maybe he's too drunk or too tired to drive home.  
But, after Harry started spending every night at Nick's flat, Louis quit eating completely.

Water was the only thing in his stomach on a normal day. He made it a priority to never be around the boys when it was time to eat so they wouldn't become suspicious.

There were times, though, where Louis had to eat in front of the guys. He always felt disgusted as he swallowed the food as quickly as he could. Directly after everyone finished eating, Louis would excuse himself to the bathroom and turn on the shower so no one would hear him purging. He would sit beside the toilet and cry for a couple of minutes, before stripping off his clothes and sinking down on the shower floor where he cried some more. Composing himself, he would dry off, get dressed, and walk back out to where the boys were sitting in the living room. No one seemed to notice anything, not even Harry.

At the end of every week, Louis would step onto the scale in the bathroom. A twisted smile would appear on his face when he saw the number on the screen get lower and lower each time, which meant that his plan was working. He was getting skinnier and skinnier, which filled Louis with a sickening type of glee.  
As he sunk deeper and deeper into depression, he quit caring about anything and everything. He was falling apart right in front of Harry's eyes, but his so-called "best friend" didn't even notice.

  
Gradually you could see Louis' cheeks becoming hollow, his legs shrinking to the size of toothpicks, and his stomach caving in. None of that satisfied Louis, however. He started partying every night for hours on end, and even began a habit of smoking. Cigarettes and booze were the only way to ease his pain. They helped him feel nothing at all.  
Louis became "friends" with some of the regulars at the club he'd normally go to, a group of all guys. They would get him way past the normal level of intoxication, to the point where Louis could barely walk, and they all took advantage of him. Louis would be passed around from man to man, like a contagious disease, but he was past the point of caring. He still hung out with them, no matter how many times he woke up in one of their beds, sore and hung over. No one came to his rescue, no one tried to talk sense into him, and it was exactly the way he wanted it.

 

  
Self-destruction is more fun on your own.

 

 

The other boys only began to notice something was wrong when Louis would stumble into the recording studio hours late and smell of booze and cheap cologne. Their manager let it slide the first couple times. But, when he started skipping rehearsals, showing up late to concerts, and leaving meet-and-greets before they were over, she decided to step in. She told the boys that they need to fix Louis' nasty habits or she would do it for them, and it wouldn't be pretty.

One-by-one, each boy (minus Harry) visited Louis where he was holed up in his room. Liam, Zayn, and Niall each tried to talk some sense into him, but he would throw something heavy at them and scream for them to get out.

For Louis, the drinking, partying, and smoking weren't enough to drown the pain. He needed something else. He looked around his room until his eyes settled on a lighter, lying untouched on his dresser. He stumbled out of bed, snatched the lighter (and a hanger from his closet), and locked himself in his attached bathroom. He sat on the floor, back against the wall, and stared at the two items in his hands for a few seconds. He had read about this online before, how the searing pain from the heated up metal would clear your mind, and leave you numb. Above all things, Louis wanted to be numb; he wanted to feel nothing at all. And then before he could change his mind, he lit the lighter, held the top of the hanger in the flame long enough to get it hot, and pressed it to his forearm.

The pain was intense.

All other thoughts were erased out of his mind for that split second. He gritted his teeth, but he was relaxed enough to do it again. He repeated this a couple of times before rinsing the burns, applying ointment, and wrapping them up. He exited his bathroom, stuffing the items under his mattress. He pulled on a hoodie and a pair of jeans before exiting his room and jogging down the stairs, pulling on his vans and grabbing his keys, before he was out the front door and on his way to a club.  
After the door slammed shut, the boys decided that they needed a backup plan, and they only had one idea left that might work. Twenty minutes later, the three lads were standing on the porch of one BBC Radio host Nicholas Grimshaw. Three quick raps and an awkward silence were all it took for the door to be opened by a shirtless Harry.

His smile disappeared off of his face and he asked,

  
"Is something wrong?"

  
After Harry had put a shirt on and had invited the boys into Nick's flat, they told Harry everything. They told him about Louis' smoking and drinking, his partying, and the fact that it was tearing the band apart. They also explained how they each had tried to talk to him, but he would revert to hysterics. They also let Harry know that he was their last resort.  
Harry was shocked by all this information. At first he refused to believe it. It took a lot of convincing and many disturbing pictures of Louis at clubs to finally accept it. Then he wondered how he hadn't seen it sooner. Louis was his best friend and then, what happened? Finally all the puzzle pieces fit together in his head. All this had started after he met Nick. He's been ditching Louis for the past 3-4 months!

Harry jumped up and said,

  
"I need to go talk to him, and quick."

The lads weren't sure if Louis would even be home, but Harry knew that it was worth a shot.  
After driving for what seemed like forever and a day, Harry finally made it to his and Louis's house, which now seemed like Lou's house because of his absence the past weeks. He sat in the car for a minute, praying to whatever God there is that Louis didn't hate him.

  
Harry opened the front door and was greeted by Louis' music turned up to full blast. Guess he was home. He climbed the stairs two by two and opened the door to Louis' room, but he wasn't in there. There was a light coming out from under the bathroom door, so Harry figured that Louis was in there. He threw open the door to the bathroom, only to find Louis sitting on the floor, a hanger in one hand and a lighter in the other, with burns all down his arms.

  
Louis looked up, startled, but when he saw Harry standing there, he froze. He seemed to be emotionless. And then, it was like a dam broke inside him. Tears slowly started running down his face, as his hands fell to the floor. Harry kicked away the lighter and squatted down next to him, pulling him into a bone-crushing hug, as Louis began sobbing.  
"I-I didn't w-want you to find-d o-out, I-I'm so s-sorry," he wailed on Harry's shoulder. Harry just held him, shushing him and trying to calm him down.  
"I know you didn't love, but why?" Harry gently asked. Louis wiped the tears from his eyes as he pulled away from Harry, lit a cigarette, inhaled deeply, and replied,  
"Because you completely left me, and you're the only person I have. I-I love you, Harry."  
"I love you too, Lou. You know that."

  
"No, Harry. I'm being serious. I-I'm in love with you."

  
Harry sat there for a couple seconds in shock, before smiling like an idiot, leaning down towards the smaller lad and whispering,  
"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to say that."

"You know this won't fix everything, you need to go to a therapist and cut down on the partying," Harry said, becoming serious again.  
"I know Harry, as long as I have you by my side I think I'll be alright," Louis replied.


End file.
